Part of my unplanned ritual every dawn involves the consciousness of awakening next to my husband, my partner. There is the warm feeling of gratitude before the more reality-driven thoughts of what this day might hold and how we will intersect during the day. This partnership/relationship has been shaping itself for many years and continues to shape our individual identities. There is love, respect, mutual concerns, interdependency, reciprocity, a desire to belong (even if to only one other).
The third collection of writings in the Kinship series is titled “Partners,” and the offerings focus on cultural traditions and stories and how they shape the ways we relate to each other as well as other beings. They speak to how the relations between different species fosters a sense of responsibility and belonging. So the term “partnership” seems to carry meanings that deal with belonging to each other—with kinship—and all the ramifications this kind of relationship calls forth.
Sounds good—my language and ways of ordering my life can handle partnering with other humans just fine—it’s the partnering with other living beings where understandings get a bit more murky. Take, for instance, my deep love for the Mississippi River. For most of my adult life, I have been enthralled with the Mississippi. I have loved hearing the stories of human activity on the Mississippi. I have driven, in segments, the entirety of it from Itasca to New Orleans. I have spent many mini-vacations in the river towns mostly along the Iowa, Minnesota and Wisconsin areas. I have grown to respect the power and tenacity of this mighty river. I rejoice in a beauty expressed in each season of the year. I appreciate the diverse ecosystems this river cares for. And now the next step seems to be to explore what it might mean to be in partnership with the Mississippi River. I don’t think this is about anthropomorphizing my understanding of the river. I don’t want to think of the river as having human emotions and characteristics, but I do want to understand that I can be in a relationship with Mississippi, and I want to know more clearly what being in a partnership with Mississippi might mean to me and to Mississippi. Even by writing this last sentence, I have shifted my perceptions a bit. Addressing a being with a name and by its name instead of by a label changes the way I relate.
Maybe a relationship means realizing that I have not gone deep enough into knowing who I am as a human on this planet filled with so many different species of living beings. I have been socialized by other humans to know how to partner in human terms, but I have not taken the opportunity or time to know what it might mean to partner in river terms. I’d like to think I am hearing the invitation from Mississippi to know more. Somewhere deep inside I feel this invitation and yet, so far, I have responded in a pretty tentative way—only giving of myself in ways I feel safe. What might happen if I were to really open to Mississippi’s call and give myself totally as a partner who bears some responsibility for the wellbeing of my partner, who loves my partner unconditionally, who wants only the best for my partner and encourages my partner to be the best they can be? What if I really believed I am in partnership with Mississippi? What if I accepted what Mississippi offers as gift instead of resource? What if I vowed to care for this partner in sickness and health? What if I could learn to listen and understand Mississippi’s language?
There are many more questions that arise in my reflections. What overwhelms me the most is all the missed opportunities. I’m sure my life would have been fuller had I realized long ago that all beings are in relationship—a partnership on this planet based on mutual respect, belonging and caring. One that does not need dominance and superiority but thrives on reciprocity and selflessness. Kinship/partnership seems to be about loving oneself enough to give oneself totally to the relationship with another.
—Ellen Bruckner
photos from Unsplash