When Death Comes
by Mary Oliver… When it’s over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.
A dear friend lost her eleven-year battle with stage four cancer this week, so I have been sitting with Mary Oliver’s “When Death Comes.” My friend was a great example of someone who really showed up for her life—she did not simply visit this world.
Even when the cancer confined her to a wheelchair, she still attended her son’s track meets and her daughter’s dance recitals. She still went to church and out for meals with extended family. Just a few weeks ago, she and her son danced to “You’ll Be in My Heart” at his wedding, and many of us were moved to tears by the sincerity and love in their interaction. No matter the occasion, she always showed up fully.
And not only did she show up, she showed up with a huge smile on her face. She was filled with joy and laughter, kindness and faith. She was, as Mary Oliver says, the bridegroom taking the world into her arms.
I strive to live like that. My husband teases me that I am a walking advertisement for the things I love. I gush with compliments over a great meal; I coo over a new-found favorite wine; I am full of joy when playing with a friendly dog or young child. I am sincere in my praise—I am truly overwhelmed with amazement for the good things in life.
As Mary Oliver beautifully wrote, I want to be “a bride married to amazement.” I don’t want to simply visit this world.
What would it look like if we were all married to amazement? Would it change how we give our attention to the stranger sitting next to us, the flower at our foot, the smell of earthworms after a rain, the dog who meets us at the door with a frisbee and wagging tail? Might it not help us to live in the moment, appreciating what is right in front of us? How can we really show up for this life, rather than simply visiting this beautiful, pain-filled world?
—Andi Lewis, Prairiewoods marketing coordinator